He Is Faithful...

If you haven't read the first part of my testimony you can read it HERE.

Part 2- All Grown Up:

I left off talking about how even in the most beautiful of God's gifts- in my case- my marriage- sin can take root and cause pain and strife.

The hubby and I got married when we were pretty young.  I was 22 and he was 21.  He was finishing up his bachelors degree down in Texas when we got married- so after the wedding off to Texas I went with my bags packed with not only clothes, but big dreams of marital bliss and happily ever afters.

Once we were settled in we immediately started going to church.  Nolan had not gone to church since he had been in high school and his parents had made him.  However we were married now- so he was more than willing to go to make his sweet, new wife (me- haha) happy. 

I'm not going to lie- marriage was a huge adjustment.  When you move in with your significant other you find out all sorts of stuff about the other that you never imagined...some good- and some- not so good.  However, we made it through those first few years better for the things we'd experienced together.

In the next few years Nolan finished school- started a career, we moved a few times, and we began to start our family.  First God blessed us with a sweet, little boy, and then a few years later with a loving, cuddly, little girl.  It was around the birth of our little girl that Nolan began to struggle with his faith.  Now when I say struggle what I really mean is he came out and told me that he wasn't completely sure that he had ever truly believed in God, and if he did he definitely wasn't sure he believed in the Christian God.  He started throwing around words like atheist and agnostic.  He told me he would no longer be joining me and the kids to church.  He had always been a Sunday morning service goer- never Wednesday or Sunday nights.  I knew deep down that if I had ever said lets not go to church anymore that he would have said, "Sounds good to me".  But despite knowing this it still felt like he had literally punched me in the stomach, and that my world had just crumbled to the ground. 

Up until this point our marriage had been fine- good even.  We had the occasional disagreement, the occasional fight, but nothing, I mean Nothing, had prepared me for this.  I was literally devastated.  We had two little ones.  How was I going to explain to them why their daddy never came to church with us?  What happened when they got older and they started questioning why they had to go if dad wasn't going?  I was the wife- it is not biblical for me to lead our family spiritually- how in the world would I do it?  It was through all of these questions that I became very, very angry.  Angry at Nolan.  Angry at God.  The angrier I became the more I lashed out at Nolan.  The more I lashed out at Nolan the more depressed and distant he became.  He was confused.  He was very depressed.  He was hopeless.  He was Lost.  And I was just angry- and I let him know it often.

Around this time a close friend and mentor of mine was sweet enough to let me share my burden with her.  She advised me, prayed with and for me, and told me to bring my kids and come to her church.  So that's what I did.  Every Sunday I would load up the kids and go to my friends church without my husband.  I would love to tell you that I did this with a happy spirit, but the truth is- I felt like my spirit was completely broken.  I usually walked out the door with a snide remark to Nolan about him not joining us and him making me go alone.  This went on for about a year, but it was sometime during that year that God really laid it on my heart that all the nagging, complaining, and snide remarks were doing nothing beneficial in the war for Nolan's soul.  He revealed to me that what Nolan needed was prayer and grace. 

I'd love to tell you that over night I stopped nagging and that the angry outbursts just disappeared, but the truth is it took time and lots of prayer.  Prayer for Nolan to know the truth, and prayer for myself- that I would learn to love him right where he was.  And God was faithful.  He met me were I was- broken, hurt, and angry, and little by little my anger ebbed, and the atheist philosophical books littered around my home began to be replaced by Christian titles.  And then one day out of the blue Nolan was dressed to go to church with us.  And almost four years ago, sitting in our room alone, Nolan excepted Christ into his heart to be the Savior of his life. 

Since then God has begun a work in our family that is beyond anything I could have ever imagined!  Nolan has stepped into the role of spiritual leader of our family leading us in bible studies, prayer, and to church.  God has healed our marriage and brought us closer to one another than we have ever been.  In January 2013 God blessed our family with another sweet, baby girl.  In January 2014 I watched as God allowed Nolan to lead our 9 year old son to Christ.  God is moving, and we are willing and ready to answer and to follow wherever he leads.  And all of this because he was willing to answer my small- fragile prayers with power and faithfulness that has blown me away!

He is faithful.  Through this he has shown me so many things.  He has shown me to rely on him.  To trust in him.  To give it all to him.  He allowed me the opportunity to pray over my husband- to be a part of the amazing miracle that took place in my husband's life.  And while it was the hardest season of my life so far- He used that time in my life to draw me back to him because if I was being completely honest- before my husband came out and said he was a non-believer I was just going through the motions.  Doing the minimal- no more- no less.  He used what felt like a hopeless situation to bring about new life in Christ for my husband and myself.  I have recommitted my life to Him, and am so thankful that he was gracious enough and patient enough to show me the way back.

So while I became a Christian when I was very young I spent many years wasting time- not forming the relationship with Christ that he calls us to experience.  Through my husband's salvation he showed me the many areas in which my own relationship with him was lacking.  He showed me that he is my Savior and that he should be #1 in my life, not my husband, not my children, and not my things, that nothing else can replace the giant, God sized hole in my life but him.  Daily he transforms me, molds me, and shows me areas in my life where I need his guidance, grace, forgiveness, mercy, and wisdom.  Sometimes he has to teach me these lessons through discipline and suffering in order to humble me and to show me his ways are better, but thankfully these lessons always come through love, and with hope of a new and brighter day. 

"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases,

his mercies never come to an end;

they are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness.

'The Lord is my portion,' says my soul,

'therefore I will hope in him.' "  -Lamentations 3:22-24

I don't know where you are in your walk with Christ.  Some of you reading this might not even know Christ, but as I sit here I pray over this testimony in hope that it will reach you right where you are.  That from it you can see how powerful and amazing the Love and Mercy of the Lord Jesus Christ are.  Maybe He's calling you to walk closer to him, maybe he's showing you areas of your life that need prayer, or forgiveness, maybe he's laying someone on your heart that needs to hear about his saving grace, or maybe it's you that needs his saving grace. 

Wherever you are- know that he is faithful, that he loves you, and that he will meet you right where you are- no matter where that might be.


Blessings,

All Roads Lead To Somewhere, But Where?

I have posted this before. It's my testimony- my hope and prayer is that you will take from it how much I love God, and how wonderfully, amazingly, good and loving He is. It's a two part post so I will post part 2 later this week (probably wednesday)...

Part 1- Before Marriage:

I have a true story to tell you.

It's about the road that has led me to this place that I'm at right now. While the road has been rocky and the journey a little ugly at times- it has led to the most wonderful of places.

I started on this road when I was about 7 I think (while the exact age seems to have left me- I remember clearly the place and the company). I was sitting in the hall of my house where I grew up waiting to use the restroom when my father came down the hallway. I asked him to sit down and visit with me for a minute- I had some questions. Questions about Jesus and God. Questions about my salvation and where I would go when I died. There in the hallway, with my earthly father's support, waiting to use the bathroom, I chose to believe in Jesus Christ as my Savior.

Fast forward a few years to a teenager who believed in Christ but really didn't take it much further than that. Who was super quick to throw others under the bus with judgement for their "sin", but felt like since she wasn't going to the parties and doing "those" things then she must be doing right by God. Right?.

Fast Forward a few more years to college. I continued to say I loved God and believed in his Son as my Savior, but unfortunately continued to live a life that was contrary to what I professed. I made many poor decisions and followed the road of the world in a way that I'm sure made satan sing with joy. I dated and then later became engaged to a guy that was a relationship unhealthy for both parties I'm sure. Emotional damage seemed to be the base for which that relationship was built on. I prayed and prayed that God would heal our tattered and torn relationship. I was marrying this man for crying out loud! How could we ever have a successful marriage if we couldn't even date properly? I shed tears over the brokenness of it all- all the while crying out to God to fix what we seemed to tear down and break so frequently. With invitations sent out, two wedding showers under our belt, dress, flowers, and cake all purchased, and less than a month before the wedding we threw in the towel and walked away from each other.

What had gone wrong? Had I not prayed hard enough? It felt like complete failure had consumed me. Embarrassment. Shame. Hopelessness. What had started as a smooth road, had turned into pebbles, then rocks, then boulders, and had come to its end as this huge mountain that I could see no way over. Along with the ending of what I thought was supposed to be the beginning of this new life came other changes. I immediately moved home to my parents after living on my own for 3 years, changed schools (or so I thought at the time), and basically just tried to figure out where it had all gone wrong.

The next few months to follow would not be what I would describe as pretty. Without going into too much detail lets just say that rock bottom seemed to be my new address. However I had mastered the art of putting on a happy face and making it seem like all was well in the world. I was not happy with the person I had become, and I know that God was saddened by where my life had gone.

It was one of those things that in the midst of the sin and shamefulness I could hear and feel the Holy Spirit convicting me. Telling me to turn away from the ways that seemed to be consuming me, but I just kept turning from him and digging myself deeper and deeper in. I just kept turning to the world to try to put out the pain, but it only seemed to produce more pain and more trouble.

It was during this time of lowness that the future hubster came into the picture (again. Seeing as how he and I had grown up together and then dated in high school for a couple of years off and on, only to part ways when I went off to college). I'm not going to lie and say that it was all roses right from the start, because frankly drama usually follows when your heart is saying one thing and your brain is saying another. However, after a few talks, a few situations, and a few shed tears it became apparent that Nolan was God's answer to the prayer I had prayed a year earlier. The prayer where I had prayed for him to heal the brokenness of another relationship with another guy. The prayer where I thought he had abandoned me and left me hopeless. The prayer I thought he had chosen not to hear- not to listen to. It wasn't that he didn't care or had chosen to ignore me- instead like a faithful and loving parent he had just chosen to say "No."

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord, "and will bring you back from captivity." -Jeremiah 29:11-14

You see, only He knew my future. My small faith had left me feeling abandoned and alone in my time of need. I felt that God had failed me, but he had really delivered me choosing to reveal himself true and faithful on his time, not mine. Most of all he chose to show himself loving despite the lack of love I had shown him.

Nolan and our marriage was a "good and perfect gift" that could have only "come from above," but like I'll show you tomorrow when I finish this story- sinful nature is not pretty, and can unfortunately, cause hurt and pain within the most wonderful of God's gifts.

For now I'll leave you with this. My hope is that through my story you can find hope. Just know that God is faithful, and merciful, and always- ALWAYS- shows himself true. Unfortunately we have to hit rock bottom sometimes to recognize our need for him, but find joy in those moments- for it is then that God's Glory and Awesomeness can truly be realized and we can find him.

Blessings,

"Shake, Shake, Shake"- Guest Blogger Tana...

Today I would like to welcome my sweet, friend Tana- who has graciously agreed to be my guest blogger today-  Yay!!!  I consider Tana to not only be a friend, but also a mentor.  She is a pastor's wife, a mother to three grown children, and  a blessing to me.  I'm so excited for you to read what God has laid on her heart.  Welcome- Tana!

 

 

When Kasey asked if I would like to guest blog for her, I was excited! I love Kasey! I also love to share what God is teaching me! As I began to think about what God has been showing me in my life, I realized how God has used several younger ladies to remind me of some very simple truths that I have easily been overlooking. Maybe you have been overlooking them also or maybe you need to share your enthusiasm with someone. Anyway, here it is...
 

Enthusiasm and Joy for what God is doing.

It doesn't matter how old you are or how long you have been saved, your enthusiasm for what God is doing should never become mundane. As I have watched these ladies embark on new directions in their lives, their enthusiasm and willingness to be obedient has been an inspiration to me. I am reminded that we should all be enthusiastic for the new paths that God is leading us down. If God is not leading you down a new path, then my heart breaks for you because I suspect you may not be listening closely to Him. I suggest you find someone who is excited about what God is doing and catch their zeal! Enthusiasm breeds enthusiasm! If you have gotten boring and stale in your walk with God, then maybe you need to listen to MercyMe's song "SHAKE" and find a person who is simply trying to be obedient and catch their enthusiasm. Rejoice in the way God has changed you and "SHAKE, SHAKE, SHAKE, like your changed, changed, changed!" (Seriously, check out this song! I love it, even though my dancing in the kitchen causes great embarrassment to my 16 year old.)
 

Doing new things is hard but oh, so worth it!

One of my sweet friends, Katie, is taking her dream job with Compassion International. She and her husband (our youth pastor) of 14 months are moving to a new state, where they know no one, to impact lives in a global and kingdom way simply because God is calling them. Like most “God things”, it is exciting...and scary...and unpredictable...and exhausting...and peaceful. Most people would not dream of giving up all that Katie and Justin are giving up to follow God's plan. Most people tend to keep things the way they have always been simply because it is easier. Katie & Justin know that things would be so much easier to just continue as everything already is and they are serving God in an impactful way now. (And selfishly, it would be much easier on my family if they continued their work with our youth.) But what adventures and blessings would they miss by doing things the easy way? What adventures or blessings are you missing because it is easier to stay in the status quo? It's ironic that this is one of the lessons God has reminded me of because I often long for the status quo. I have to remind myself that it is a JOY to be allowed to be a part of something God is doing and if my life needs to remain unpredictable to experience it, then I need to rejoice and embrace the changes!
 

Theory and Reality are not the same.

Being enthusiastic and willing to get out of your comfort zone to follow a new path that God is leading you down sounds wonderful in theory but in reality…not so much. It sounds exciting but it is really scary. It sounds grandiose but it causes us to feel inferior. Doing God's will sounds spectacular until it means leaving everything that is familiar, that you love, to be obedient. The reality says that most people who embark upon these journeys do so knowing that many people - both family & friends - will not understand their decisions or share their enthusiasm. People need to understand that these two things, theory and reality, are not the same and that whoever is embarking on the adventure needs to know it is okay to admit the reality and deal with it. It doesn't make someone less willing to be obedient, it simply makes them human. SO, find a way to give REAL support. ACTUALLY pray for them on a regular basis. LISTEN to their thoughts and feelings without judgment because their pendulum will swing between a confident "I can do all things through Christ..." and "...I am not worthy, how can I do this?". They don't need you to fix anything, they just need some love, listening, & encouragement.

 
 

Being in the center of God's will brings peace but not necessarily happiness.

Most people think that if you are in the center of God's will, you will be happy. Read #3 again and see if that describes a happy person? Being scared, feeling inferior, uncomfortable, alone, and without support does not evoke feelings of happiness for most people. However, it does bring a peace that transcends all understanding and a contentment that can only grow. I can't imagine that the Apostle Paul was happy in prison but he was at peace and continued to be obedient. Life is not going to be easy just because a person is obedient. But the strength that God gives to live in obedience brings contentment and satisfaction like nothing else. Don't feel guilty when you aren't necessarily happy but be joyful and content, nonetheless.
 

God is good, all the time, and all the time, God is good.

When a person is struggling, it is easy to forget to praise God. When life gets too comfortable, it is easy to forget to praise God. When daily routines become mundane, it is easy to forget to praise God. But no matter what the circumstances of our lives, God is good, all the time and all the time, God is good! SO PRAISE HIM ALL THE TIME! When was the last time that you truly pondered the "God is good..."statement and believed it with all your heart? This fact has been one of the most consistent things I have found in my ever changing journey. Something we should ALL remember!
 

I am so thankful that God uses so many people to teach me so many things. I feel so blessed to have friends of all ages in every stage of life to learn from. I feel humbled that these friends allow me to walk their journey with them and learn through them. I am grateful that Kasey asked me to share this with you. It is not earth-shattering but I pray it spoke to you in some way! (If nothing else, check out MercyMe's song, "SHAKE"! It is so FUN!!!!)
 

Much love to you and the wonderful PURPLE CLAD JEWEL, Kasey!

Blessings,

An Excellent Wife Who Can Find- My Prayer...

10 An excellent wife who can find?
She is far more precious than jewels.
11 The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain.
12 She does him good, and not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She seeks wool and flax,
and works with willing hands.
14 She is like the ships of the merchant;
she brings her food from afar.
15 She rises while it is yet night
and provides food for her household
and portions for her maidens.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
17 She dresses herself with strength
and makes her arms strong.
18 She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.
Her lamp does not go out at night.
19 She puts her hands to the distaff,
and her hands hold the spindle.
20 She opens her hand to the poor
and reaches out her hands to the needy.
21 She is not afraid of snow for her household,
for all her household are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes bed coverings for herself;
her clothing is fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is known in the gates
when he sits among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them;
she delivers sashes to the merchant.
25 Strength and dignity are her clothing,
and she laughs at the time to come.
26 She opens her mouth with wisdom,
and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
27 She looks well to the ways of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children rise up and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women have done excellently,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands,
and let her works praise her in the gates.
(Proverbs 31:10-31 ESV)



 

 

( I know it says mother's day but I thought

it was fitting for the Proverbs 31 Woman)

 

 

My prayer today is that I will be a blessing to my husband.  That his heart will trust in me, and that I will be of great value to him. 

 

That I will take care of our home making it a place where he and our children can feel relaxed and taken care of. 

 

That from the abilities God has given me I will be able to take care of and provide for my family things such as yummy, healthy food, and warm clothes and shoes for their bodies and feet. 

 

That I will be a good steward of our money spending it wisely with my family's best interest always at heart. 

 

That I will not be lazy, but work diligently not only for the well being of my family but also so that my children can see the godly example set before them. 

 

I pray that my heart and eyes will be aware of the needs of those around me, and that when I see someone hurting from that need I will be quick to provide however I can. 

 

That my heart, mind, and soul will trust in God for provision.  That through that trust I will know that our future is secure.

 

I pray for wisdom, patience, and kindness to go out before me.  That my children and husband will see how much I love them and that they will be thankful- as I am thankful for them. 

 

I pray that God will help me to focus on my walk with him- not things of this world. 

 

I pray that I will look to Chirst in awe and wonder always remembering that he is my provider, my strength, and my all.

 

-Amen

Blessings,

When Our Own Words Just Aren't Enough...

For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. -Hebrews 4:12

The other day I was speaking with a sweet friend and she made this comment:

"When I find myself not knowing what to do or what my purpose is, God always reminds me to just pray. That is something I can always do."

 

Prayer can be and is meant to be powerful... 

It is our line of communication with the One True God.  It should not be taken lightly, and it should not be forgotten or over looked.

 

Uunfortunately, I think we underestimate the power of prayer in our lives. We thank God for our food and families, and we fall asleep in bed at night repeating the same prayer we pray every night- and for most of us our prayer life stops there.

 

Prayer Is and can be- So much more.

 



The bible is clear-

 

We should pray for God to be glorified (Matthew 6:9)

Pray that God's kingdom would grow here on earth (Matthew 6:10)

 

Pray for laborers for the harvest (Matthew 9:38)

Pray to know God better (Colossians 1:10)

Pray for power to comprehend the love of Christ (Ephesians 3:14-19)

 

Pray for our enemies (Mt 5:44)

 

Pray without ceasing- not losing heart  (1 Thes. 5:17, Luke 18:1)

 

Pray for healing (Jas 5:14-16)

 

Pray for protection from evil (Matthew 6:13)

 

Pray for forgiveness of sins (Matthew 6:12)

 

Pray for unbelievers (Romans 10:1)

 

Pray to be filled with the Holy Spirit (Luke 11:13)

 

Pray for boldness in sharing the gospel (Acts 4:29)

 

Pray for wisdom (James 1:5)...

 

The list could go on and on.

 

A couple of years ago I joined a mom's prayer group.  The idea of the group was that each week we were presented with one scripture verse that focused on a specific topic and we were to pray that scripture over our children.  I had never done this before, but was open and willing to participate.

Over time I came to see that praying God's word (scripture) was powerful.  His word is "living and active" and "sharper than any two-edged sword," and from it I began to see God moving and working in the life of my family in ways I never had before.  His word is able to "discern my thoughts and the intentions of my heart" far better than even I can- when I don't know what to pray- God always does.

John Piper shares,

If I try to pray for people or events without having the word in front of me guiding my prayers, then several negative things happen. One is that I tend to be very repetitive from day to day and hour to hour, and I just pray the same things all the time. . . . But the Bible . . . . gives me biblical things to pray for so that I’m not praying with empty and vague requests like “God bless them” and “God bless that.” Rather, I’m asking for specific things that the Bible commends. 

As I grow and mature in my walk with Christ I can see that part of that growth stems from not only reading God's word, but as I read, praying that scripture over areas of my life so that it can move and work the way God intended it to.

For me praying God's word has brought me closer to God.  It's brought me in alignment with his word.  I've learned that his words are far better than any words I could ever come up with on my own, and when I can't seem to find the words to pray- I search his Word.  It has helped me get out of ruts, and his word moves me- not only to emotion, but in action.  And praying God's word makes me think about his word in a deeper more meaningful way- it has become very personal and very real.

I would encourage you to try praying scripture.  God is faithful- and he will not let your efforts be in vain.  Let His words be your words.

Blessings,

Spiritual Gifts...

Not long ago, at the urging of my sweet mother-in-law, my husband and I decided to take a Spiritual Gifts test.  My husband is disciplined, eloquent, educable, rational, and logical.  He loves to study- to gain knowledge- to search and find the answer, and then to share these truths with whomever he can.  Did I mention he's patient?  So it was no surprise to see that my husband's highest scores were in Teaching, Administration, and Evangelism.  Mine being Giving, Serving, and Encouragement.


This is where I would like to be totally honest with you: 

Sometimes I feel like my own gifts are small and less important than other gifts.  I find myself thinking that maybe if I were smarter, more organized, more goal-focused, disciplined, or logical God would have been able to use me- in what I see in my small mind- as a more useful- mightier way for his kingdom.

The truth is- sometimes I see God using my husband to speak God's truths to his co-workers or using him to share the gospel with family and I think to myself- "All I'm capable of or been gifted with is the ability to bake muffins for people.  How will that ever bring God the glory and attention that he desires and fully deserves." 

I don't know if some of you have felt this way at times, maybe I'm alone, but I'm here to tell you that it's out right lies straight from the enemy himself.  It has taken prayer, reading God's word, and even speaking with my husband for me to see this.   God's word is clear that we are all united and brought together to become one in Christ:

"For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned. For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another. Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, in proportion to our faith; if service, in our serving; the one who teaches, in his teaching; he one who exhorts, in his exhortation; the one who contributes, in generosity; the one who leads, with zeal; the one who does acts of mercy, with cheerfulness."  -Romans 12:3-8

We are each given different gifts that we should concentrate on and give our energies to. This scripture shows me that each gift is important, each gift is worth mentioning, each gift has merit, and each gift has its place, and that without each gift the body (the church) is incomplete and not whole. While some of the gifts may be more public and some more behind the scenes- they all work together- complimenting each other for one purpose and one goal- To Glorify God.

I'm so thankful that God is opening my eyes and my heart and allowing me to see that I too belong in his body.  That I too can be used to point others, through my gifts, to His glory.  He doesn't need me for this, but he allows me to- because he loves me.

So- if like me you find yourself sometimes feeling sorry for yourself or inadequate in your gifts hold on to God's word and remember to "earnestly desire the spiritual gifts..." (1 Corinthians 14:1)- they are given for the good of the church "to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace...in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ."   (1 Peter 4:10-11).  And remember that sometimes even muffins are exactly what's needed to share the love and grace of Jesus Christ! 

Not the Author of Confusion...

As I sit here at my computer trying to make sense of what I want to write I can hear the cries of my sweet baby girl trying to put herself to sleep.  As I listen I realize that in this moment I can relate so much with her.  In my mind I feel like I am crying out- there is confusion, worry, fear, doubt, and anxiety- 

"Does no one hear me?  Will no one rescue me?" 

Except in my own head the thoughts don't seem to be quite so clear and precise.  It's more like a garbled mess of thoughts each trying to fight their way to the front only to be trampled by the next thought trying to jockey for position.  The inside of my brain must look like my kitchen right now- upturned, messy, and in need of attention.

As I spoke with my mother-in-law yesterday about the many trains of thought setting course in my mind these days she reminded me of one very important truth-

"God is Not the author of confusion."

So as I sit here in my little kitchen- blogging for the first time in ages- hoping that by writing down some of my thoughts I can get some perspective- I can hear God's still small voice calling me to him reminding me-

"...do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on...look at the birds of the air:  they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not of more value than they?  And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?...Your heavenly Father knows that you need them all.  But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself..."

The baby is quieting down now- she is tired- she needs her rest- in this quiet I will rest too. I will rest in the truth and in the knowledge that if "I will seek him with all my heart- then I will find him" - For Jesus Christ has promised-

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

My prayer is that I will hold tight to these truths- that they will replace the thoughts that seem to be holding my mind hostage at times forcing me to worry about our future- our tomorrow.  That I will "seek FIRST the kingdom of God."  That I will not let fear over take me, but rest in the fact that "God gave me a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control."

I know he hears my cry -he will be faithful to answer.  He always is.